Regardless of whether or not Brian wants to acknowledge that fact, it happened. Regardless of if he is even fully aware of it right now, it happened.
No amount of money can buy happiness, time, or human connection. All it can buy is dazzling things to surround you when no one else is around to share life with you. At the end, what good is large sums of money when you realized you worked through everything that mattered?
Odds are, that large house is going to crumble one day. Odds are that car isn’t going to become a classic. All you’ll have from that extremely expensive wedding is a couple of pictures. No matter how hard you try, those expensive clothes will end up in the dumpster, even if they get reused a few times. That nice bat probably won’t make you hit a home run any better then the dead bat of a teammate. That high end soccerball has nothing on the flat ones kids use else where in the world.
Why is it that people living in lean-to’s, with little to no modern clothing, who grow their own food, who have no modern medicine, who do intense manual labor for meager wages are happier then the richest American? Because happiness doesn’t care about how much furniture you can stuff your house with and that room you decorate the absolute best and never use.
So instead of insisting on letting money rule your life, smile at a stranger. Get involved with your community. Open your hearts to new people, and make friends. It’s human interaction and community which creates happiness. So instead of admiring that display room, invite some people over to fill it instead. Take a walk instead of driving somewhere. When you face hardship, take it in stride. Your happiness isn’t measured in how perfect your life is, but how well you handle hardships.
The fact Brian is ok spending another 2 months (that would make 6 months total) out at sea because “It’s a lot of money” infuriates me… He can’t let me know he misses me, but he can let me know how much money he’ll make.
Money also does not buy love. Security comes from knowing that through thick or thin someone will be there, not through a large house.
Tomorrow will mean just about 20 days left!
Well… until I can at least talk to him. So, frankly, his butt better be out here within a few weeks of him being home. I will not take no for an answer!
I’ve only seen the guy 10 days out of the 365 of the year. NOT ok, and he better recognize.
I haven’t posted in a while, but I really just needed to vent and hopefully it’ll help this last month go more smoothly… I miss Brian so much.
The relationship really has come to a point where I need to draw the line. Is that unfair of me? My stance is I sat here for only 3 months, and I feel like my skin is crawling waiting for the last month to go by. I have been sitting here rolling around so many questions, not knowing what to expect.
We’ve been together for 2 years, we’ve been through quite a lot. We’ve had fights, we’ve shared so many laughs, boring days, good days, average days… why can’t I ask for more? That doesn’t mean I want to run off to Vegas and be married tomorrow, but I sure the hell want to know where he stands.
I have goals, and I have priorities. Thank goodness for this 3 months, because I really have put it all together. Now I have a better idea of who I am.
I want to travel. I want a family, and I’d like to be somewhat active in our families. Charity is a very important part of my life, and if he isn’t involved with it, at least to respect that. Physical fitness is another thing that is near and dear to my heart. And being educated; if he can teach my something and have educated discussions on occasion that’s all that matters.
These 5 things are the core of me. Knowing this roots me, and being rooted allows me to stand up to him. It’s so unfair for him to not be upfront with what he wants from this relationship, and if he can’t tell me, I’m going to have to walk. It breaks my heart, because 3 months apart has made me realize just how much I love him. But I’m entirely too young to be putting myself through all this for someone who doesn’t know what he wants.
I’m willing to throw time lines to the wind… I really wanted to wait till 25 for all of this, but there’s no timeline for life, shit happens. If he proposed, and we were on the same level of what we wanted (yes, a talk), I’d say yes. I’m 22, I’m still super young, but I know what I want from life. I want to spend my life with him, travel with him, share my genetics with him, triumphs and failures with him. I know that, and I only question my relationship with him because he’s so god damned disconnected.
Being apart from him breaks my heart. I’m so depressed. As long as he loves me and is more forthright with me, though, it’s all worth it.
Synchronized swimming? More like demon birthing 101.
While school makes it literally impossible for me to have a social life, I love the end of the term. Why?
I turn into a social bumble bee again, and it really reaffirms to me that I have a social life, can maintain a social life, and that people want to be around me. Gets hard when… well, I can’t be around people to remember that. But, darn it, it feels good when all the sudden I can be a normal 21 year old.
Soon to be 22 though… holy cow.
:) plus, reconnecting with people from high school who I never talked to while there, because I was so focused on school I forgot to be a normal 15-18 year old. But, I’m at a time in my life I’m ok with having some fun. Lord knows I’ve worked damn hard the last several years.
Final tomorrow though, and I need to study! Eeek! Actually really excited to take the test tomorrow though… lol, I love my physics class.